Wednesday, November 2, 2011


She was a tall, cool drink of water, sitting at the end of the bar, sipping her drinks like she meant it. Whiskey. Rocks. No water. I counted four, but she had been there all night, looking like she was waiting for someone to pick her up. Not your typical broad. This girl was smart and she could handle her liquor. Twelve different chumps tried their luck. Twelve different chumps walked away, looking like their first puppy just got run over by a garbage truck. Poor bastards didn't know what hit 'em. But I was different. I was lucky number 13.

Of all the seedy little gin joints in all the seedy little towns, she had to walk into mine. Well, technically, I walked into hers. But I wasn't there to play games. And I wasn't one of those poor fools who couldn't pick up a dame if she was in a box and he had a forklift. They were about as likely to get lucky with that dame as I was to win the lottery twice on a Tuesday.

Not one to lollygag, I walked right up to her, turned to the bartender and said "two whiskeys, rocks." Then I turned to her and said, "what's a broad like you doing in a place like this?" That was when I noticed her throat. Her adam's apple was twice as big as my thumb, and s/he had the hands to match it. Sasquatch doesn't have hands that big and hairy. She/he said, "hey stranger," with a voice deeper than James Earl Jones with laryngitis after a three day bender.

Now I don't know if it was the smoke-filled room, the dingy lighting, or the eight whiskeys, but he was the best looking woman in that bar. And once you make your move, there's no going back. Thank God we were in the Castro. This was going to take some more drinks.

But I wasn't in that bar to pick up on loose women or pretty men. I was there on the job. The AlphaBar crew hired me to investigate every bar in the city with an L in its name. Well, they might have asked me only to go to the ones that started with an L, but I'm as thorough as a TSA agent on a muslim when I'm on the job. So I hit them all. And Lucky 13 was the best bar in that wretched little town. The best looking men, the strongest women, and the cheapest beer.

So we'll be heading down to Lucky 13 this Wednesday, packing that place like a Justin Bieber concert in a pedophile colony. And that friendly gentleman with the pouty lips knew the bartender, so (s)he got us some damned fine drink specials. I personally will be drinking more whiskey than a tribe of Indians who just finished a death march. Here's looking at you kid.

Wednesday, November 9th @ 8PM
Lucky 13
2140 Market St
between Church St & Sanchez St

Thursday, October 27, 2011


Pics are up from the Kozy Kar!


Had a turn out of around 120+! Good work guys!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011


AlphaBar is now on Twitter! Follow us here!

http://twitter.com/AlphaBarSF

Alright, alright, alright, alright.

What's goin' on AlphaBabes? Man, I've been looking forward to this alllll year. I'll tell you what, man, this is gonna be the best damn AlphaBar of the year. We're goin' to my favorite bar on the grooviest street in San Francisco. Kozy Kar, Baby. It's where it's at.

If you're like me, you've probably been there every night for the past two weeks, but if you haven't, hey man, it's cool. ...I won't get on your case just because you got some other bar you like. That's your journey, man. You don't have to come to Kozy Kar. If you don't like groovy tunes, righteous babes, and some far out bartenders servin' up a couple brews, that's cool, man. You don't have to come. But it'd be a lot cooler if you did, man.

If the owner's cool with it, we can turn on some funk, break out a couple joints and light up. Just make sure we keep a bouncer outside to watch for the fuzz. And speakin of fuzz, they've got some fuzzy walls, a kickin shag waterbed if you wanna get down with one of those aforementioned groovy chicks, and a dance floor with some sweet Playboy centerfold pictures. If that chick you're boogyin with isn't quite as hip as you though, bam, take a look at the floor. It's like dancin with an angel. But she's naked. And a picture.

Anyways, man, I just wanted to let you know the deal. We've been listening to you, man. You said there wasn't enough porn in your life. Boom. You said you needed more seventies and disco-themed bars on Wednesdays. Boom. You're welcome. You said you wanted AlphaBar to be at a dirty strip club with loose rules. Hey man, two out of three ain't bad, right?

Haha, anyways man. It's gonna be a great time. Better than that rager at the moon tower last week. I promise. And you know the best thing? The girls there tend to stay in a certain age group. I keep gettin' older, they stay the same age. Catch you on the flip side.

Monday, July 18, 2011


6PM START TIME THIS WEEK!!
http://districtsf.com/

Hey Girl,

...I know I promised you a date on Wednesday night, and you know your boy AlphaBar always comes through. But this Wednesday, it's not just a date at your typical marina bar. I'm not going to crush you at beer pong and flip cup, and I won't laugh and yell "I remember my first beer!" I won't ply you with tater tots that I throw from across the bar, so you don't have to worry about another ketchup stain on your American Apparel sweatshirt. And we won't be sharing three pitchers of rolling rock and twisty cheesy garlic sticks from Xtreme Pizza before you have to help me stumble back to my place down the block. I won't be fumbling with your buttons, trying to take your top off in between loud belches and incomprehensible mutterings. My roommate won't "accidentally" walk in on us, and I promise not to vomit on your discarded skirt.

This Wednesday night, girl, I'm treating you like the queen you are. First, I shall call my driver, or maybe I'll use that cool new app, Uber, and fetch a town car using my professional Android smartphone. I will pick you up, wearing a collared shirt and pants without holes in them. Then I shall whisk you away, to a part of the city you have never seen before, except when you pick me up from a 2-1 extra-inning Giants game because I drank too much. I will order us a bottle of the finest german riesling, and I shall feed you olives and prosciutto while we get drunk off the sweet nectar of the gods. Yeah girl, lick those lips. You know you love riesling.

We will relax on velour couches while elegantly dressed waiters and bartenders cater to your every desire. What's that sound? That's a man playing a spanish guitar. Spanish, girl. That's like a guitar with an accent. It's like we're in Europe. But I'm not taking you back to a dingy back-alley hostel with a bunch of creepy dutch guys playing techno this time. Naw, girl, it ain't even like that.

Kick your shoes off, and I shall give you the finest foot massage you have ever experienced. I will open up my ziploc of massage oil and... what's that? I can't do that in here? Oh, okay, sorry. I guess I got carried away. But just wait for tonight, girl.

Don't you just love how I treat you, girl? Taking you to elegant wine bars with 120 of our closest friends and associates? I will serve you the finest cheeses from the basque country in northern spain and regale you with poetry I have crafted just for you. We can pound a couple beers just to make sure we're tipsy enough. Then it's time to get it on. In the bathroom girl, cuz I know you get nasty when you're drunk.

After I love you slowly and softly for five minutes in San Francisco's finest bathroom stall, we can get back to the party, cuz you know AlphaBar has to keep it real. It's a date, girl, but I have to say what's up to my friends.

Fancy AlphaBar this week, kids.

District Lounge and Wine Bar
216 Townsend Street @ 3rd.
San Francisco

Saturday, July 2, 2011


http://chugpub.com/
http://www.yelp.com/biz/chug-pub-san-francisco
$1 a drink goes to Roots International Academy in Oakland

***Specials***
...8-10PM $25 Chug Tower of Sierra Nevada
$30 Chug Tower of any beer
$6 PBR and a shot of Jager

Alphateam,

This week, we're at chug pub, home to some of the city's beer. Not only is it home to some of the city's beer, but you can get 3.5 towering liters of your beer of choice for $30 in a veritable "Tower of Beer." Apparently they frown on patrons using their beer towers for flip cup, but if we all work together, we might be able to change their minds.

Chug Pub is located in the ancient and venerable "next to Golden Gate Park" neighborhood, home to some of the city's most famous bums, miscreants, sluts, and arsonists. Other than that, we really didn't know much about Chug Pub before choosing it, so we did what most rational people do when they want to learn about something: surf the internet.

After about three hours of alternating between midget porn and facebook, we remembered that we had a google search to perform. Chug Pub. Of course, we were distracted by The Google's suggested searches of Chupacabra, Chuck Norris Jokes, and Chug Pughuahuas, but the actual search only took about half a second. Boom. Result number one was something called Yelp.com.

After another hour of midget porn and facebook, we finally clicked on that yelp link and, wow, do the Yelpese ever come through. We learned so much.

According to Yelper Brendan L., Chug Pub is "a local hang out especially for the guys in their mid 20's..... the place is kinda small...there is a bar and behind it a few tables and pool table....i think they should get rid of the pool table because I don't know how many times i have to get out of people's way when they are playing pool." So 20-something dudes and pool.

Jeffrey J. said: "Not enough credit goes to places that make sure their tables aren't wobbly. I have to say the tables are stable! The staff is friendly and inviting, the beer selection is decent, and the cocktails are pretty good."
Stable tables! Cocktails are pretty good!
In the words of Clarence A. (possibly moonlighting as @DRUNKHULK):
TV GOOD!!
POOL TABLE GOOD!!
NACHOS GOOD!!!
CHUG TOWER GOOD!!

So there's dudes and the venue, the food, and the beverages are good. What about the ladies?

Well, Rachelle P. basically answered that one for us:
"Get some more guys to come in here though because last time I was here it was a taco fest." God damn do I love tacos. And apparently there are not enough guys there to eat the tacos that the bar serves. We're coming Rachelle P. And, assuming you are as excited as your post suggests, drunk off the specials that "get me messed up on a budget!," you will be too. No promises on delivering anything that rivals your last experience when it was "almost dangerous because I don't really realize how hot it is until it's going down my throat." But I promise you, we will try.
I know what you're thinking: I've met Rachelle P. Believe me, she is not the person you want next to you when there is a full on taco fest staring you in the face. But guess what, we can confirm that Chug Pub also caters to the more proper ladies of the Outer Sunset/Golden Rape Park Corridor.

From Jillian M.:
"It's been brought to my attention that most of my reviews make me seem like a big drunky lush whore. I wish I could say this review would buck that trend, but alas, it does not. Oh well. If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, I guess I enjoy vodka.
This place is legit. $4 vodka and club soda's, which means I can get relatively trashed for about $16.
It's also close enough to my house that I don't have to worry about navigating the bus system while intoxicated. Another big plus.
Nothing bad to say. Cute neighborhood hang out with a pool table, and sexy Asian bartenders for you boys. Enjoy."

If any of you were on the fence, get off. I don't care who you are, this is obviously the right place to spend next Wednesday night.
In the immortal words of Bill S.:
Thou might not be lovely as a summer's day,
It's true,
But there are things I cannot do to a summer's day,
That I would love to do to you.

Come to AlphaBar this week, and get something done to you.

Monday, June 20, 2011


We actually had some people believe our fictional history of the Bus Stop! If you're gonna drink here that much you better know the real story! See you Wednesday!

"The history of the Bus Stop begins over a century ago on a once quiet street in San Francisco, Union Street. The building that currently houses the bar was originally constructed in the late 1800s as a multi-use establishment, containing a street-level storefront and two upper apartments. It was purchased by the ferroni's and has since housed four generations of ferroni's who started a family business on Union Street in 1900. With a combination of hard work, dedication and a bit of luck, that business is still intact, family owned, and more successful than ever in its current sports bar format known and loved by many as, "The Bus Stop".

The evolution of the bar into the Bus Stop has been filled with many changes, challenges, and wonderful memories.

The bar opened its doors in 1900 and was know as the Aly Inn, and in 1919 became smokeys saloon where cold beer, chilled with ice that was chipped from a block, was sold for a nickel. Amerigo Ferroni purchased the family business from his uncle in 1931 in the midst of the great depression and prohibition. Times were tough but manageable until 1933. The newly elected president Franklin Delano Roosevelt followed up on a campaign promise, encouraging congress to write the 21st amendment to the constitution, ending prohibition and, thus, fueling a rise in legal drinking establishments. The Transport Club, as it was now known, flourished for nearly three decades.

In 1955, Amerigo Ferroni fell ill and his wife, Rina, actively managed the bar for the next five years. History would show she was well suited for the task.

Although a constant presence in the day-to-day operations of the business, Rina played more of a support role prior to her husband's illness, washing towels, preparing snacks and delivering her ever-popular pizza from her upstairs apartment to employees and customers alike. But when Amerigo fell ill, it was only natural for her to become the sole proprietor/bartender. Well versed in the bar's environment, Rina filled these shoes with pride. In 1960, Amerigo's son Gabriel (Gabe) continued the legacy, and began managing and tending the bar. Rina remained active in the bar and continued living in the apartment above.

In keeping with family tradition, Gabe kept the original layout of the bar. But a new name would be crucial to identifying the establishment as his own. As he sat peering out the windows on the corner of Union and Laguna streets, Gabe had many suitable names in mind until the most obvious kept returning every fifteen minutes like clockwork. The muni bus stopped three feet from the bar's front door. The "Bus Stop" was born. At a time when Union Street had yet to be developed to its current state, this was one of few Bus Stops on the street.

Having laid the foundation of the bar, Gabe could now begin to focus on the internal business features. Much to his dismay, Gabe soon realized that an entire evening of work would only gross $11.00, not nearly enough to sustain the business. However, in order to attract more customers he realized that the Bus Stop would have to differentiate itself from other bars in the neighborhood. He would keep the charm of the old saloon and enhance it. The decor would have glimpses of the past but be modernized. Over the years Gabe initiated many ideas to create his ideal. The logo would be created with the gas lamp chandeliers to capture the past and stake claim on the future. Napkins, ashtrays, and matchbooks would be personalized with the company logo to add a touch of class as well as provide an excellent marketing tool. The "super well" would offer premium cocktails at well drinks prices. Glassware was chosen to offer the customer better value. Juices would be fresh squeezed on the premises on a daily basis. Complimentary snacks would be offered. Benches and awnings would be built out front for the comfort of customers and neighbors alike. Polished brass would fill the bar. The restrooms maintained a standard of cleanliness unlike those of other local bars.

Over the years business grew and continued to flourish through the 1980's when the sports bar craze really began to escalate. Satellite and cable tv technology was providing the opportunity for businesses to offer customers several viewing options from the same bar stool. The Bus Stop was one of the first bars in San Francisco to really embrace this concept. The Bus Stop soon became one of the premiere sports bars in the bay area, where bartenders knew your name and service was unmatched.

After 40 years, Gabe decided that it was time for his namesake to carry on the legacy that he had started. His son, Gabriel Ferroni, Jr., was charged with the responsibility of running the family business. Gabriel had spent several years managing the Bus Stop after experimenting with different ventures, including a successful business in gourmet foods. He purchased the Bus Stop from his father in 2000, after his father's health concerns became overwhelming. Unfortunately, Gabe Sr. passed without the pleasure of watching the Bus Stop move into the new millennium. Learning from the lessons his father bestowed, Gabriel has kept the Bus Stop tradition alive and well.

The Bus Stop continues to be involved in the community and participates in local programs and activities including the police activities league, local recreational sports teams, and the Union Street Association. You will still find top-notch service, great value, and a wonderful environment. Twenty new plasma tv's adorn the walls to ensure your viewing pleasure and each has a separate satellite receiver so you'll never miss a minute of your favorite team. A top of the line audio system and great music selection turns this sports bar into a nightclub the moment the buzzer goes off and the evening hours prevail.

Over the years the Bus Stop has evolved out of a family of dedicated, hard working people who have brought this business through a century of change. In that time we witnessed two world wars, the korean war, and vietnam. We survived the earthquakes of 1906 and 1989 unscathed. We weathered economic difficulties, none more challenging than the great depression. We endured 25 presidential elections, the murder of our mayor, the start of prohibition and its reversal. We've embraced five superbowl victories and dealt with several disappointing trips to the world series. We've watched music progress from the big band era to the mtv generation. We've welcomed famous faces such as President Clinton, Mayor Willie Brown, Vida Blue, Monica Seles, Ted Hendricks, Chipper Jones, Bobby Sura, Barry Zeto, and Pierce Brosnan."

Monday, June 13, 2011

B is for Bus Stop!


Hey Kids,

We fired that Italian guy who did the write up for Amante. I mean, really, who writes with an accent? Also, no one trusts foreigners.

This week, our partner bar has agreed to donate one dollar of every drink to Roots International Academy, a junior high school in Oakland, to fund after school programs and field trips. If you had any thoughts of skipping out, this is not the week to do it. How often do you get to "d...rink for the kids" anyway? Staying for another drink is actually the responsible thing to do. And with budget cuts in place, the kids don't get to play music or sports unless you show up and drink more. Think about it.

http://www.oaklandschoolsfoundation.org/roots

And hey, new pick up line: "Hi, I don't usually buy girls drinks, but since it's for underprivileged children in Oakland, I feel that it would be socially irresponsible of me not to." Boom. I got her numba. How do you like dem apples?

Location, location, location. This week we'll be back on campus, at ye old The Bus Stop. You know it well, but do you know the full history of the Bus Stop? I didn't think so. Read on for more, details at the bottom.

Originally established in 1857 as The Busty Top, the first owners of what is now known as The Bus Stop sought to capitalize on the wealth of horny sailors, miners, loggers, kickballers, thieves, and other lowbrow miscreants who had come to California looking for gold, but hungry for women. As the northern-most outpost of the Barbary Coast, and thus often the first stop for miners and loggers coming down from Marin, Sonoma, and beyond, the Busty Top quickly gained a devoted following as the "cheapest little whorehouse in town." It wasn't long before even the saltiest of the Top's "ladies of the evening" were known worldwide. Amongst the more famous employees in the Top's heyday were Liverpool 'Lil, Henrietta Fillmore, Marina "Fingers" Chestnut, Octavia Buchanan, "Shanghai" Kelly O'Toole, and, of course, the venerable Mollie Stone. The Top even employed the first well-known gay "man of the evening," Philip "Phil the Drill" Castro. Unlike most establishments of the time, the Top's prostitutes were not exploited and tossed out on the street once they reached the wrinkled old age of 34 (34 was old back then, and very wrinkly). Rather, the Top provided a generous pension plan, usually promoted from within, and even provided seed start-up money if its employees decided to open up their own shop. As the owners said, "we encourage our girls to spread their legs, yes, but then we help them spread their wings." Some have referred to the Top's owners, Bill Kleiner and Adrian Perkins, as the first venture capitalists in California. Some of the Top's more successful employees went on to found eateries, grocery stores, and rival businesses, while others moved into politics and philanthropy, or died of venereal diseases.

On January 18, 1920, the San Francisco Chronicle's headlines read "Busty Top Busted." Prohibition had finally hit, and the city's most famous little whorehouse was shut down. The owners were jailed and the remaining employees scattered. But new owners soon took over, supposedly to provide coffee and other non-alcoholic refreshments, giving a wink and a nod to the Chronicle headline in renaming the place "The Busted Top." Within days of opening, however, the Top became one of the more popular speakeasies in town. When officers stopped by (those who weren't on the payroll), the alcohol was hidden behind fold-away walls, and the patrons would simply state that they were having some water, coffee, or soda pop while waiting for the bus. It wasn't long before the "Busted Top" was referred to as "The Bus Stop." "Waiting for the bus" became code for having a drink, and "riding the bus" code for sex. A "free ride" was sex with another patron or a generous whore, while a "nickel," "dime," or "quarter ride" referred to sex with a cheap, standard, or expensive whore. Other terms, such as an "oil change," "greasing the axles," "stuffing the tailpipe," or "looking under the hood" were quickly adopted into the lexicon. Soon, one could "wait for the bus" at any of over 5,000 establishments in San Francisco alone.

But the end of prohibition signaled a dark day for the Bus Stop. Swingers were replaced by suffragettes, men left town in droves to work on New Deal construction projects, and the fear of impending war soon gripped the city. It seemed the Bus Stop, and "waiting for the bus" alike were doomed to fade into San Francisco's history.

Flash forward to the heady, cocaine-fueled days of the 1980s. Reagan was king, money was everywhere, gas was cheap again, neon was a fashion statement, and hair was almost as big as cocaine and David Bowie. What a time to be alive! The Busted Top was re-opened as the Bus Stop, touting expensive drinks, a shoulder-pads only dress code, and great bathrooms to do coke in. The revamped Bus Stop is still alive today, though shoulder pads have been set aside for 80's nights and the drinks are now cheap (thanks inflation!).

So when it's getting late into the night this coming AlphaBar, just take a minute to look around and savor the history at the Bus Stop. Maybe pour yourself a traditional prohibition-era PBR, rock some neon or a side pony-tail, mine the bar for gold, try to get a "free ride" or an "oil change," or pretend you're a cheap prostitute with a heart of gold. And as always, kids, its AlphaBar, so keep it classy. But not too classy.

Deets:

Alpha Bar at the Bus Stop
1901 Union Street at Laguna
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
8 pm to closing