6PM START TIME THIS WEEK!!
http://districtsf.com/

Hey Girl,

...I know I promised you a date on Wednesday night, and you know your boy AlphaBar always comes through. But this Wednesday, it's not just a date at your typical marina bar. I'm not going to crush you at beer pong and flip cup, and I won't laugh and yell "I remember my first beer!" I won't ply you with tater tots that I throw from across the bar, so you don't have to worry about another ketchup stain on your American Apparel sweatshirt. And we won't be sharing three pitchers of rolling rock and twisty cheesy garlic sticks from Xtreme Pizza before you have to help me stumble back to my place down the block. I won't be fumbling with your buttons, trying to take your top off in between loud belches and incomprehensible mutterings. My roommate won't "accidentally" walk in on us, and I promise not to vomit on your discarded skirt.

This Wednesday night, girl, I'm treating you like the queen you are. First, I shall call my driver, or maybe I'll use that cool new app, Uber, and fetch a town car using my professional Android smartphone. I will pick you up, wearing a collared shirt and pants without holes in them. Then I shall whisk you away, to a part of the city you have never seen before, except when you pick me up from a 2-1 extra-inning Giants game because I drank too much. I will order us a bottle of the finest german riesling, and I shall feed you olives and prosciutto while we get drunk off the sweet nectar of the gods. Yeah girl, lick those lips. You know you love riesling.

We will relax on velour couches while elegantly dressed waiters and bartenders cater to your every desire. What's that sound? That's a man playing a spanish guitar. Spanish, girl. That's like a guitar with an accent. It's like we're in Europe. But I'm not taking you back to a dingy back-alley hostel with a bunch of creepy dutch guys playing techno this time. Naw, girl, it ain't even like that.

Kick your shoes off, and I shall give you the finest foot massage you have ever experienced. I will open up my ziploc of massage oil and... what's that? I can't do that in here? Oh, okay, sorry. I guess I got carried away. But just wait for tonight, girl.

Don't you just love how I treat you, girl? Taking you to elegant wine bars with 120 of our closest friends and associates? I will serve you the finest cheeses from the basque country in northern spain and regale you with poetry I have crafted just for you. We can pound a couple beers just to make sure we're tipsy enough. Then it's time to get it on. In the bathroom girl, cuz I know you get nasty when you're drunk.

After I love you slowly and softly for five minutes in San Francisco's finest bathroom stall, we can get back to the party, cuz you know AlphaBar has to keep it real. It's a date, girl, but I have to say what's up to my friends.

Fancy AlphaBar this week, kids.

District Lounge and Wine Bar
216 Townsend Street @ 3rd.
San Francisco

http://chugpub.com/
http://www.yelp.com/biz/chug-pub-san-francisco
$1 a drink goes to Roots International Academy in Oakland

***Specials***
...8-10PM $25 Chug Tower of Sierra Nevada
$30 Chug Tower of any beer
$6 PBR and a shot of Jager

Alphateam,

This week, we're at chug pub, home to some of the city's beer. Not only is it home to some of the city's beer, but you can get 3.5 towering liters of your beer of choice for $30 in a veritable "Tower of Beer." Apparently they frown on patrons using their beer towers for flip cup, but if we all work together, we might be able to change their minds.

Chug Pub is located in the ancient and venerable "next to Golden Gate Park" neighborhood, home to some of the city's most famous bums, miscreants, sluts, and arsonists. Other than that, we really didn't know much about Chug Pub before choosing it, so we did what most rational people do when they want to learn about something: surf the internet.

After about three hours of alternating between midget porn and facebook, we remembered that we had a google search to perform. Chug Pub. Of course, we were distracted by The Google's suggested searches of Chupacabra, Chuck Norris Jokes, and Chug Pughuahuas, but the actual search only took about half a second. Boom. Result number one was something called Yelp.com.

After another hour of midget porn and facebook, we finally clicked on that yelp link and, wow, do the Yelpese ever come through. We learned so much.

According to Yelper Brendan L., Chug Pub is "a local hang out especially for the guys in their mid 20's..... the place is kinda small...there is a bar and behind it a few tables and pool table....i think they should get rid of the pool table because I don't know how many times i have to get out of people's way when they are playing pool." So 20-something dudes and pool.

Jeffrey J. said: "Not enough credit goes to places that make sure their tables aren't wobbly. I have to say the tables are stable! The staff is friendly and inviting, the beer selection is decent, and the cocktails are pretty good."
Stable tables! Cocktails are pretty good!
In the words of Clarence A. (possibly moonlighting as @DRUNKHULK):
TV GOOD!!
POOL TABLE GOOD!!
NACHOS GOOD!!!
CHUG TOWER GOOD!!

So there's dudes and the venue, the food, and the beverages are good. What about the ladies?

Well, Rachelle P. basically answered that one for us:
"Get some more guys to come in here though because last time I was here it was a taco fest." God damn do I love tacos. And apparently there are not enough guys there to eat the tacos that the bar serves. We're coming Rachelle P. And, assuming you are as excited as your post suggests, drunk off the specials that "get me messed up on a budget!," you will be too. No promises on delivering anything that rivals your last experience when it was "almost dangerous because I don't really realize how hot it is until it's going down my throat." But I promise you, we will try.
I know what you're thinking: I've met Rachelle P. Believe me, she is not the person you want next to you when there is a full on taco fest staring you in the face. But guess what, we can confirm that Chug Pub also caters to the more proper ladies of the Outer Sunset/Golden Rape Park Corridor.

From Jillian M.:
"It's been brought to my attention that most of my reviews make me seem like a big drunky lush whore. I wish I could say this review would buck that trend, but alas, it does not. Oh well. If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, I guess I enjoy vodka.
This place is legit. $4 vodka and club soda's, which means I can get relatively trashed for about $16.
It's also close enough to my house that I don't have to worry about navigating the bus system while intoxicated. Another big plus.
Nothing bad to say. Cute neighborhood hang out with a pool table, and sexy Asian bartenders for you boys. Enjoy."

If any of you were on the fence, get off. I don't care who you are, this is obviously the right place to spend next Wednesday night.
In the immortal words of Bill S.:
Thou might not be lovely as a summer's day,
It's true,
But there are things I cannot do to a summer's day,
That I would love to do to you.

Come to AlphaBar this week, and get something done to you.