ALPHA BAR SF

AlphaBar: S is for Swank - Wednesday, February 15th @ 8PM


Hey, guess what AlphaFans. It's another Wednesday in the worst year
of my life. You know what that means. AlphaBar. Again.

But it can't be all that, bad right? Oh sure. Everything's just
fine. We'll all go to the bar and everybody will tell me how it could
be worse, and at least I'm still rich and famous and I'm a stand up
guy. Sure. But the next thing they say is always, "Boy, did you see
Eli throw that pass to Manningham? He's a real champion!" And then,
when they think I'm out of earshot, it's "do you think he's gonna
retire? Will he ever throw again? Is he past his prime"

It's not like I'm not dead, guys. Just a little injured. I mean, my
neck feels great! See look, I can shake my head and turn left and
turn... left. And my arm's still a cannon. Here, watch me throw this
beer bottle. Five bucks says I hit the kid with the beard at the end
of the bar.... Okay, well that girl looked like she had a beard.
Kind of.

Hey, look, I'm not ungrateful. Football paid for my education, it got
me on the cover of sports illustrated, it took me to the top of the
world. And I even won a super bowl and a super bowl MVP award. One
super bowl. And now Eli has two.

I'm so proud of him. He's a pretty good quarterback. I mean, he's
got a great offensive line. And Brandon Jacobs is a beast. And that
D-Line, boy, they're good. They sure gave Tom Brady what for, if you
know what I mean. I have to admit, I did like watching that handsome
jerk get hammered by Eli's teammates. But boy am I still sore. I
mean, y'know, emotionally.

I mean Eli's great and all, but could he take a terrible team from a
small market and turn it into a perennial championship contender? Did
he throw for 50,000 yards and 4,000 completions faster than anyone in
NFL history? No, but he squeaks into the playoffs at 9-7, slips by
Aaron Rodgers in his worst performance ever, gets a lucky fumble in
overtime against the 49ers and then waltzes into the Super Bowl. He
didn't have to get by Troy Polamalu, or the Ravens D, or Belichick's
blistering offense. Now he's probably gonna start doing American
Express commercials. Man, and the Tyree and Manningham catches? Are
you kidding me? And I thought Tim Tebow got lucky.

Anyway, we're going to Swank, which is a great bar. It's kind of like
a more successful, lucky younger brother. It didn't really put in the
hard work, but it's still a good bar. And I for one, am going to get
shit housed and, er, rest my neck. Well, at least I'll have a couple
beers. Maybe I'll even break out the old throwing arm.